McKenzie's Flower

For hours now my mind has been racing, and my heart has been aching.

As many of you have know, I have been following and sharing a little girl's journey through cancer. Kenzie, 2, was diagnosed last spring/summer with neuroblastoma. Her story was shared with me by a mutual friend, and instantly, this child had my heart. She was a cute, blonde- haired, blue-eyed little girl who loved Disney princesses. I immediately saw Addy in her. Addy was also 2 at the time, and well, the rest of the similarities are evident.

I ran the #Kenzie5k and donated multiple times to their GoFundMe page (any additional donations would be greatly appreciated) and I prayed for Kenzie and her family every night. The mom in me was sure that this little girl would make it, for no mother should lose their toddler to cancer...

As the months went on, Kenzie's condition grew more complicated, and her prognosis became grim. I still prayed along with many, many others for her health to improve, her pain to disappear, and for her to feel no fear, just peace...and yet, she did not get better.

Lately, it was painful to read the updates, to see the pictures, to watch the videos...this little girl who reminded me so much of my spunky little one, was in fact, dying. She became weak, tired, more in pain, uncomfortable, and unhappy...to say the least. Tumors grew, mishaping her sweet face and paralyzing her tiny body. I would always look at Addy, even on her most difficult days, and thank God for every tantrum, every whine...for she had the energy to be 2...now 3.

Sadly, Kenzie won't have another birthday like Addy.

Kenzie died today, surrounded by her parents and family. A little soul taken far too soon.

I struggle with this. Not only for my children currently happy and healthy, but for the new baby growing inside me. This little helpless creature whom I love as much as their siblings before them. What's to say this can't happen to me? To them? They are not the only ones who are helpless.

This morning, before Kenzie's passing, I noticed something odd. I have this rosemary plant on my porch, which I have had for over 5 months. (I know, I haven't killed it, that in itself is a miracle.) Today, something was different. Today I noticed there was a single, small flower blooming in the middle of the plant. I didn't even know rosemary produced flowers...but there it was.

Fast forward to this afternoon, and I felt the strong urge to do something after hearing of Kenzie's passing. I didn't know what, but again, that mom in me wanted to show the love for this little girl. I just sort of stood there, shocked, heartbroken, and lost...I then remembered the flower.

That little purple flower...purple...Kenzie's favorite color.

Somehow in that minute, I realized Kenzie didn't need to be shown love. She had all the love she needed. Even in the midst of her painful fight against cancer, she was given everything that she needed. Her parents, her brother, the support of hundreds...she was given everything she needed here on earth, and in the end, what more could we ask for? God was showing me that my prayers were not ignored, he heard them all; not just my prayers, the thousands of prayers regarding sweet Kenzie. Kenzie would be healed, Kenzie's pain would fade, and she would feel no fear...all in his time, in his way.

Her death still brings tears to my eyes. The loss of a child is something I pray I may never experience...but all I can do is give my children everything they need while we are together. Unconditional love, understanding, support, patience, and the occasional treat.
The grief her parents and family are going through must be agonizing...and while I know with their faith they will work through it, I know Kenzie will be in their hearts and minds forever...as she will also be in mine; along the hundreds of others who cared for Kenzie...and for all the children who's stories are like Kenzie's.

I have been watching butterflies visit the small purple flower all afternoon, and I choose to see the symbolism in it...angels welcoming McKenzie home...

M.LEWIS
  

Surprise! Baby #3 and other News

We're adding to this crazy brood again! Baby #3 to arrive mid-late October! A lot of people are making comments like "try for a boy" "hope it's a boy" "maybe you'll finally get a boy". Maybe I shouldn't mind, but come on people, boy or girl, this baby is a blessing and I honestly don't care if we end up with 3 awesome girls or 2 awesome girls and an awesome boy. (Sorry I used the word awesome so much.) I just want to emphasize that the child is what it is, and the child itself is more than enough. So pink or blue, don't have expectations for us, thanks. ;) ♥

Baby is almost 10 weeks, but since we are not technically there yet, here is some interesting facts about a 9 week baby: (I love these!)

PREGNANCY WEEK-BY-WEEK

Your Baby is as Big as a Green Olive

• This is a milestone. Baby's no longer an embryo—now he or she is a fetus!
• Baby's developing more distinct facial features.
• And baby might now have a strong enough heartbeat to be picked up by a fetal doppler.

On top of that news, we got our new trees for our backyard yesterday, and I am so excited! They add a lot to the yard and as they grow they will add beauty and privacy, I look forward to that! 

Of course it's still early in spring and the deciduous group have not sprouted leaves yet, but I am oddly pumped to see those guys all green and pretty. Adulthood, not want you expect sometimes...

We already had 1 lacebark elm (pic 3) and a chinese pistachio (pic 1 - almost out of frame on right) and another chinese pistachio in the front; but we wanted to line our fence more and get rid of that "barren" feeling. We picked out a total of 3 crepe myrtles (the leafless guys), 2 magnolias (the dark green guys in the corners) and 3 east palatka holly trees (the 3 in a row on pic 1). I am very happy with our selection and placement. Phase 1 of transforming the yard complete! :-D

Now off to spend some time with my kiddos!

M.LEWIS

Looking Ahead to Spring 2016

Wow.

Been awhile. I blame life. ;-)

We've been in the house for a little over 5 months now, and yes, it feels like home, though it felt that way since we first moved in. Completely unpacked and almost fully decorated, I can't imagine being anywhere else. We plan to plant several new trees in the backyard this spring, along with getting a small shed for the backyard tools. This will be our next adventure with the house. The goal is to get things planted before they start building phase 2...that will be noisy and just across the fence.

I look forward to this spring. I barely saw my trees with leaves on, and barely remember what my new yard looks with green grass. Now that we are settled inside, I am excited to plan and design the outside to our taste. Eventually we want a "campfire" corner, and maybe even a natural-grown teepee.

This will be down the line, and I am not sure want plants to use...but we agree it looks cool. Nora will probably eat anything we try to do for awhile.

Lorelai has started soccer, and even though she is only 1 game and 2 practices in, she loves it...mainly because she gets to be giggly with other girls. Addy is jealous she can't play on the team, but I hope to start her in a dance class in the fall or next spring. That should help.

The dogs are keeping me on my toes, mainly Nora. She is still chewing and eating items she shouldn't like a little puppy...but also finding new ways to visit the vet...like a broken toe. She still has tons of energy and tries to knock over anyone who visits with aggressive puppy hugs and kisses. Her love for people is amazing, and exhausting. Phoebe is delightfully small and easy to handle...though loud.

Adalaide's birthday is in a week and a half (ah!) and I am just now preparing my mind for what I need to do. All will be accomplished on time, of course. Charlie Brown/Snoopy party for this girl. Loves, loves, loves it. I am still figuring out her cake...we'll see. ;-)

Until next time!

-M.LEWIS

Starting off 2016

Where have I been?!

Back in the day, a friend told me when one doesn't blog as much, it's not because they don't have anything to share...they are just too busy living their life. That theory fits me right now.

We have been in the house about 3.5 months, and we are loving it. Here is a list of general thoughts and updates as of late:


Chris is finally working for his family's company and enjoying it very much.

My grandparents are in good health.

My girls are a handful, but they even things out by being so cute.

The dogs have been pretty good about the house. Nora is the only one I catch doing things like...digging up the sprinkler heads and using them as chew toys. Huskies, man...they have energy.

I am very pleased and practically finished decorating our new house. I owe it all to Target, Ikea, Hobby Lobby, and gift cards to Pottery Barn and Pier 1. It's a lovely mix of mountain cabin, farm house, and modern cottage. Focus is mainly on cabin...I am bringing Colorado (my happy place) here. It feels nice.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's were all nice, low-key, and family-oriented.

I am still wanting and waiting for snow.

I got an exercise bike with a gift card, it's coming in handy.

I have been following this little girl, Kenzie, and her journey through fighting cancer. She is 2, and her mother is an example to all of us. Faith, hope, love, and patience...I am in awe. Their story keeps our life's problems in perspective.

Adalaide went to the nutritionist today. She is up in height, and climbing slowly in weight. I have to order a special meal supplement. It is crazy expensive. Right now, it's a free trial. If Addy likes it, and it helps her, we are going to see if our insurance will cover it. Otherwise...we will have to use it like 3 times a week instead of daily or something...man, if she would just eat more! I'll give her grief for this when she's older, asking me to buy her new clothes or makeup. :P

Lorelai is stubborn, but creative and funny. She is on the verge of joining a soccer team or a gymnastics class. She has one hurdle she really needs to conquer before that can happen...but she's close.

And yes, we are still homeschooling. I feel like everyone has forgotten that. Asking me when Lorelai is going off to school quite often. No, your forced smiles and elongated "Ohhhhhh"'s don't sway me. We are going to rock it.

Ok, well, off for now. Life is good. ;)


M.LEWIS

American Resolve

It's been a while, hello again.

I'd like to take a few minutes and express my thoughts and feelings about the current humanitarian state of our country.

On my facebook page I seeing dozens and dozens of posts supporting Muslims and refugees. I suppose Trump is the main reason for the sudden influx of posts, but it has been a major topic for weeks, months. You either have people who are freely excepting the refugees with open arms and smiles or you have people who shy away from them, pushing them aside, saying "let's help you from afar."

Who is right?

Surprisingly, there is no right action; at least not in my eyes. I admire those with unwavering, heart-felt welcomes. I think those people are full of hope and compassion. I understand those with timid, fearful reactions, understanding those people need assistance, but would rather not have next door.

We start to point fingers, call names, and openly condemn those with feel different from us. To be honest, I feel this a pattern with the current politicians both currently elected, and running their big mouths hoping to be elected...but that's another post for another time.
We allow there to be a divide, a critical separation of our own citizens. I'll be honest again, I am one of those who would very much like to help those poor, victimized people...but from afar. 

Does that make me racist? Does that make me a bigot? Does that make me uncaring and cold?

No.

You see, I was 14 when the events of September 11 took place. I remember life before that day, and I see the long-lingering affects of that day on a regular basis. We are still scared. We are scared that simple tasks like going to work, going to the grocery store, eating at a restaurant, or going to the movie theater, could be life-ending.
I do get uncomfortable sometimes when a individual walks into a public place with hijab, or a turban. I don't like that my first reaction is fear, but it is. I am never rude to them, I hold open the door for them, I smile. I am polite and kind, but in the back of my mind I am wondering if there is more to them than I see. That's not their fault. They are victims too. Because of Al Qaeda, the Taliban, and ISIS our reaction is fear. The goal from those groups, after all, was this. To strike fear and incite chaos amongst innocent people. Through this they gain power and control. Through this, they win.

It's hard not to make the association between the Muslims of the world and these radical terrorist groups. The terrorists after all masquerade themselves as innocent, Muslim human beings. That's how they blend in and infiltrate our societies...that's when they make their move. That's when we all suffer. That's when they expose their true selves. Cruel, ruthless creatures, twisted and unfathomably evil. They not only mock the Muslim people, but of all humanity. Their intent so devious, so methodically planned out, their very own conscious must have been obliterated.

These individuals are what we are trying to protect ourselves from. These individuals that hide in the shadows of their own victims only to attack again. These individuals who pray on the good nature of humanity and steal good souls from the earth. These individuals we cannot identify, these individuals are counting on that.

Do not call me uncaring because I do not want to find myself huddled on the floor begging for my children's lives. Do not call me racist because the enemy is purposefully dressing themselves up as the innocent civilians of the middle east. Do not call me a bigot because my views differ from yours. Do not label me as "wrong" simply because you think you are right.

Do not turn on one another, when we do we become divided, and therefore, weak. ISIS feeds on the weak. This country only seems to come together when something horrific takes place. When lives are lost and other lives are destroyed forever. I am a reasonable, hard-working, understanding, compassionate mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Do not let the terrorists win by making me the "bad guy." My feelings are justifiable. I watch my children grow and I fear for the world they will inherit...all I want is to defend them and their future.

The battle of good and evil wages on and into depths I cannot imagine. I just want my babies to be safe, that feeling is shared among all families, no matter what religion or race they are. I don't pretend to have a solution, I just don't want to end up another victim...I don't want my children to end up another victim. I just want to keep my home safe. Surely that is something we can all agree on.

I accept there will be refugees, and I want to help those who need help the most. I just pray to God that we don't get fooled again.

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,

With conquering limbs astride from land to land;

Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame

Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name

Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she

With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

"Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve."

M.LEWIS

I Got This

Remember my last several posts when I talk about posting pictures of the house? Well...it's not happening this post either. Sorry.

I keep finding more things to put away, rearrange, etc. I have a lot of energy when it comes to designing a space, but when it comes to staging it and taking a picture I fizzle. I think this means I'm still tired. I love a good before and after photo, but when it comes down to doing it...I don't.

Last week took a lot of patience, and even then, I needed more. Addy's terrible-2-personality was in full-swing, making things difficult to accomplish...and any task frustrating due to all the crying. Lorelai has had some issues with the multiple moves, but that should settle down soon seeing as we are not doing this again for a long while (and hopefully never).

Tasks for the past week:
Fix the leaky faucet in the guest bathroom
Organize and start the picture slideshow for my Grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary
Appropriately evict any and all ants that have worked their way inside
Finish setting up the entry hall and dining room
Create a photo book on the building of our house

These things I had planned (the ants were a last minute add-on).

The things that came up unexpectedly:
Fix the toilet in the master bathroom
Fix the washing machine so I can provide everyone clothes
Spend the entire weekend installing 2 ceiling fans in the girls' rooms


I planned to fix the faucet myself because (even though it's under warranty) I didn't want to call and schedule a plumber, wait around for 4 hours for a 3 minute job, and have my dogs lose their sanity because someone new was over. I went to Lowe's for the part after spending some time learning what that part was. I couldn't locate it in the store and my kids were out of control that morning and I had to leave without getting anything. I then ordered the part online.

The more I work on the slideshow, the more work I create for the slideshow. This will take some quality time to finish by Thanksgiving. It doesn't help that I can only work on it at my mom's house...that gives me about 3 hours a day divided between Addy's needs, Lorelai's needs, lunch, and drive time. Oy.

I think I have the ant issue under control. It's not a huge deal. Ants happen, especially when we get dumped with 5 inches of rain in 2 days.

I am almost done with the hall and dining room, I keep changing my mind and adding new things...but this is the least of my worries, it's just cluttery which annoys me.

The photo book is something that can (and most likely will) wait. That is all.

The toilet starting leaking Thursday. This problem I did call the plumber for. Water damage is scary. Now this leak was very small, I turned off the water, emptied the tank and lined the base with a towel. I already fixed the faucet by this point or I would have added that to their list. He came in on Friday and figured out the leak was in the tank. We will need a new one...they will have to order a new one...will have to wait for Monday to order and then it will be a couple days. Ok...well, at least we have other bathrooms. Not a big deal.

The washing machine broke on Wednesday? I lose track. I have a front-load machine which needs to air out after use. The door swings all the way open and the laundry room/mud room door slams into it. We had the same issue in the old house. The problem is with the machine, I'd like to leave the door open just a wide crack, not all the way...but I can't achieve this. Anyway, I was in a rush and pushed open the laundry room door and slammed it into the washing machine door causing it to hit the frame of the washer, snapping off the hook the door needs to close...and wash things. I was so mad at myself...and mad at the darn machine. It was an unpleasant reminder that in my mad rush I need to be calmer. Long story (somewhat) short, I found the part online and had it working by Friday.

Saturday we had the great idea to get the kids their fans. You know, it was cold and rainy so getting ceiling fans is needed. A very long story short, the first fan took a while, but no real issues. That was Saturday. Sunday was fan #2 and that was not so easy. Dry wall issues, outlet box problems, this lead to hardware needs and restructuring. All said a done, fan #1 is fine, fan #2 is ok...if you just use the light. We will need to tackle that problem later this week.

So...I am still waiting for a working master toilet, I need to work on the slideshow, I need to stop using my prime account for rush appliance parts, and hopefully life will slow down more before you know....Halloween, holiday shopping time, Thanksgiving, anniversary party, Lorelai's birthday, Christmas decorating, Christmas wrapping/shipping, and Christmas itself.

Really though...I'm in my house at last. I got this. ;)



M.LEWIS

Master Floor Lamp

I look around and I am loving how the house is shaping up. I want to share, but it is a lot of rooms, and therefore, a lot of pictures. Instead of a whole house tour now, I will simply focus on my latest addition to my new space.

My new master bedroom has a tall, vaulted ceiling. The room feels big without being unnecessarily large...if that makes sense. The old floor lamp I had previously in our room instantly felt shrunken and out of place. I told myself I could get a new lamp if I found one that wasn't too dense, wasn't too short, and wasn't too expensive.

I have to say, I love creating home spaces. I am going to be all nerdy and interior-designery for a minute: I love adding in different textures, colors, materials, and using things in unusual ways. Nothing too crazy, just a bit of interest and creativity...developing an accent (and room) that is unlike anyone else's. Wrought iron, steel, cedar, pine, canvas, paint, glazing, fabric print, and subtle transitions in color. I love forming my home, the place my life happens, the place my family is rooted.

Ok, so back to the lamp. :P

Here is my gem. It's simple, yet quirky. Black metal and neutral canvas. Perfect. It's inexpensive (and I had multiple coupons!) and it doesn't take away from anything in the room, it adds subtle character. I do plan to take a picture of my lamp in my space (at some point), but for now here is the picture I saw and decided to go for it.

If you are interested, here is the link to purchase. Hooray Target!  

M.LEWIS