Fake Beauty

Anyone else tired of the media talking about women and body/beauty issues?
I hope other people are.
I feel a bit mean with my reaction. I feel like I should be standing up saying something stupid and hollow like "You go girl!" but really, I feel annoyed, irritated, and frustrated.

To me, it is so contrived, so disingenuous. We shake our finger at people and corporations that "fat shame" and "stream-line beauty" so we then "rebel" and then talk about how we don't need to talk about it. Constantly.

We shouldn't be focusing on women's physical appearance. So let's draw attention to women's physical appearance then tell them not to focus on it.

Got it?
...Me neither.

It is now a beauty-crime to be thin, white, blue-eyed, and blonde. You are hated if you have a "thigh gap" or is you "pass the finger trap test." You get the hipster sneer if you wear makeup, or if you put on form-fitting clothes. Painting your nails? How dare you. Curling your eyelashes? You monster. You are a disgrace to women everywhere.

Interesting. I do a lot of these things, and I felt much better about myself before social media "came to my defense."

Why do I do these things?
Clearly, it's because society has convinced me I am ugly and I need to do these things to so I can begin to see myself as beautiful and confident.


Wrong.
I do these things because I want to, I like to. I think it's fun and I feel more peppy and energized when I feel well-groomed. It's a miracle if I get through the day in the same shirt. I spend my time playing "where's your nose?" and naming colors. I read story books with pop-up pages, and I have cut up more bananas than I thought possible. My big trips out consist of picking up forgotten items at Target or buying paint at Lowe's. I am continuously falling behind on laundry, vacuuming, and watering the plants. (The "housewife rant" is worth anther blog.) My life is a little...boring. Important, valued, beloved, but boring. 
Slipping on some trendy jeans with my freshly painted toenails makes me feel cute. Putting on some makeup and fixing my hair makes me feel pretty. I spend a grand total of 10 minutes getting ready. 10 minutes that is usually stretched out to 30 because my one-year old is quite needy and fussy, but collectively I get 10 minutes to spend on myself. The makeup rubs off in a few hours, my clothes get smeared with peanutbutter, and my hair and nail polish look disheveled at an amazing rate, but I still do it. Taking care of myself and my appearance goes a long with me. Like when one gets over a cold, you want to put on pants, run a brush through your hair, and smile with minty fresh breath. It makes a difference. Do I fret over my appearance? Do I worry if my hair gets wet in the rain? Do I feel terrible if I wear yoga pants 50% of the time? Nope.


Why?
Because these things are just a tiny part of how I see myself. I am not defined by my outward appearance. I am so many things beyond my hair color, dress size, and the shape of my nose.

Finding the narrow area where you are socially acceptable is difficult if you rely on pop culture. You must be slender, not overweight, but not too skinny. Though "overweight" is a term that is now frowned upon. You are either, curvy, more-to-love, or "a real woman." Though too skinny is bad to, you then obviously have an eating disorder. You also need to wear enough make-up to "accentuate your features" but too much that you look like a Halloween mask. Oh, and if you go bare you are either "homely" or a hero...it depends on your motive. 
You must wear clothes that say "I'm not trying too hard" with a simple t-shirt and jeans, but they have to be the right style of t-shirt and jeans. If you wear skirts all the time you are either a cool hippie, or a weird homeschooler. Hair? Well, long is feminine and pretty, but it can also be described as sexy, which would be appealing to men. And, as we all know by now, being seen as "attractive" to men is horrible and demeaning. That is, unless, your hair is too long, then you are considered a bible-thumper or a hoarder. Short is funky and says "I don't care about society's standards." This has become popular, so popular that it's becoming trendy...losing it's rebel status. Too short and you seem too masculine...or that you are having a Britney Spears meltdown. Shoes are lower on the totem pole (literally) but there are rules there too. High heels suggest confidence, but you run the risk of men looking at your legs more (again, not good...men showing interest in women? ew). Wearing flats everyday means you are either Zooey Deschanel or modest and shy. Sandals all the time suggests you are lazy...or fun...I forget what the sandal has to look like to determine the difference. I think it's sequins.


Confused? Exhausted?
Yeah, well, try writing it.  

All these "women's movements" seem to be missing the point. Maybe that is because they aren't defending you. Maybe it is all a skillfully crafted illusion. Stop working the client, stop advertising self-identity, stop angling the conversation to your benefit. Everyone has an agenda. I've learned a lot from Mad Men.

“You are the product. You feeling something. That’s what sells." -Don Draper 

Just be you. Don't be sold on an idea, go with your gut. If you feel best in a long skirt, flowing hair, and no makeup; excellent. If you feel like skinny jeans, heavy eyeliner, and platform heels best expresses yourself; go for it. But no one should then set up a precedence for others. Men, women, we all are bombarded with this crap far too often (hence the vintage beauty ads). Just don't fall for it.

Just please, please, stop playing victim. Stop heckling, judging and criticizing others. There is no standard, just fads and big mouths. Things change, evolve; in ten years there will be a whole new set of "rules." Look past it. 

Do what I do, look at the latest celebrity magazine cover with Blake Lively at the beach in her spunky bikini, showing off her thigh gap and no-stretch-mark-tummy and think: I hope she put on sunscreen.


M.LEWIS

Smaller is Better

I awhile ago, I mentioned my struggles with losing baby weight. I do avoid writing about this topic because, as you remember, I really hate talking about weight. Honestly, the scale can say whatever number it likes, I just want to feel good and look healthy...and fit into my favorite clothes.

It's been about 7 months since my first post. At that point I had lost about 2-3 lbs since attempting to lose the baby weight (about 3 months). Not impressive, not exactly encouraging.
Well, here we are over half a year later, and I have some more encouraging news. Since my September post, I have lost an additional 10-12 lbs (yes, it varies on the day). I don't want to share my exact weight, because that is not the point. The point is how much extra weight I have kicked to the curb, and how much more I need to get rid of. Right now I am about 10-12 lbs away from my pre-Lorelai self.
I drink one glass of soda a week, no diet stuff (artificial sweeteners are yucky!); I limit my intake of empty snacks like crackers, pretzels, or chips to a rare event; I have started eating large amounts of plain greek yogurt; I drink a full glass of cold water every time I feel hungry, then see if I still need to eat something; I buy very few frozen items, if I do, they are usually vegetables; I buy fresh meats, fruits, and vegetables; I wear clothes and shoes that encourage me to move more; and I do light weight training and short bursts of exercise throughout the day. I am down 2 pant sizes, and have lost a total of 6 inches from my tummy, arms, and waist.

It seems small compared to "The Biggest Loser" results, but thankfully, I was not starting from where those people do. I do enjoy, and will never eliminate, chocolate from my diet. I mean, a couple peanutbutter cups in the evening will not wreck any of my success. I feel better about my food intake, and I feel better that my clothes just fit better. I actually had to by smaller jeans a couple weeks ago, and it was an awesome feeling.

I took for granted my lifestyle and body type before kids. I assumed that getting back to that point wasn't going to be that hard...I was wrong. It has forced me to really evaluate how I look at my life and how I want my kids to see me and themselves.
Eating vegetables isn't always something I like, but the more you do it, the less you think of it. Before this change, I would search for cheese-its or chips when I wanted a snack, now I grab and apple or some baby carrots. Breakfast would have been a poptart (or two) or a muffin, now I have a fiber-rich cereal or a bowl of yogurt. Now I am not talking about those sweet, fruit on the bottom yogurts, I am talking about plain greek yogurt with 6g of sugar and 22g of protein. Warning. This stuff is hard to adjust to. It is almost sour tasting...not at all what I think of when I hear yogurt. But, with a quick drizzle of honey and a handful of oats, this concoction has become a staple in my routine. Chris started with this yogurt, and I have joined in...it's been worth it. Lunch and dinners are more about portion control, but also about making something so I know what's in it, and what it will do for me...and the other people eating it as well.
I want Lorelai and Adalaide to see that eating healthy is not a chore, it's not this horrible task you force yourself to do. It's just the right thing to do. It's what you should eat...and if you never get in the habit of eating junk all the time, you will not feel like you have to sacrifice anything later.
Hard to snack on junky stuff when you don't buy it.
I'm not insane, I do buy my kids crackers for snacks. I buy them chicken nuggets, and I let them drink strawberry flavored milk occasionally. I mean, they are kids; french fries are their favorite, and that's ok. They have them a couple of times a week, and that's absolutely fine with me because the other days they eat bananas, apples, peaches, carrots, and other veggies I hide in other things. *Pureed anything in ketchup works well.* ;)

My expedition to lose baby weight has become a healthier outlook for my whole family. Mainly because I make their food most days, but also because it's important to start off life feeling good and doing good. Chris has also made some amazing progress with new eating and exercising habits. I feel this is our new normal now, and we can only get better and healthier from here. Who wants to spend their time sulking on the couch feeling gross, embarrassed, and tired all the time? Get up, make the change, and go with it. Don't be lazy.

I will not be stock footage if overweight people walking around for health stories on the news. Never, never. Here to the next half of the year, and hopefully, the last of the baby weight...until the next kid. :P


M.LEWIS

Oh Hi

I have been lacking in the blog department again. Not for a lack of trying however...it's for the lack of time sans children, laundry, and dishes.

I have ideas, I want to write, I get a strong urge to write, but writing with the kids Adalaide around is impossible. She cries, she screams, she wants to sit in my lap, she wants to bang the living daylight of my laptop.
So I am left with the hours from 7:45pm to 10:00pm...which I tend to share with other household chores, and the wake-up fussies of little girls. Oh, and I'm usually pretty tired by then.

So, this is my long-winded way of saying: I haven't gone anywhere; I will write something soon...but not tonight.


M.LEWIS

The Deck Reveal

Now, I will preface this post with: I still need to touch up some spots, so technically I'm not 100% done; AND it's windy outside, so I couldn't "setup" the space exactly how I want...but here you go, the deck reveal ;)

My deck. It was old, worn, dingy, and not pretty.

The "white" lines and spots you see here is wood filler. And yes, we needed a fair amount. I probably used too much by the time I figured out how to best apply it, but the spaces were filled, and that's all that matters. I used an exterior wood filler by Elmer's from Lowe's for about $12 a tub. That and a plastic putty knife since I killed the last one we had with rust.

We already had a sander, but I purchased heavy duty sandpaper and a protective mask. I also ended up using plastic latex-like gloves since I hate sanding and this helped keep the chalky dust off me...a bit.

I also bought my stain...which I might need to go and purchase another quart or so...we'll see. It's an semi-transparent stain and sealant in one by Olympic from Lowe's for about $36/g. I have a rebate around here somewhere for it too. We choose the color "tobacco".

Then came the hard work. Sanding and scrubbing, washing and treating, and even more sanding. Like most of my projects, this process took a while since I can only squeeze work in an hour at a time here and there. I purchased some new outdoor items and reused pieces we already had to make an "outdoor livingroom" feel.

I had to close the umbrella...it was too windy today!

We owned the chairs and the firepit, along with the tables and the pillows. This Spring we bought the rug, the umbrella and stand, the storage bench, the lanterns and the plants. It's far from perfect, and I will be touching up certain spots this weekend, but for our little backyard, I think this deck still has something to add to our home. The totals? Deck resurfacing supplies (not including power tools): less than $70. Accessories/new furniture: less than $230.

Now to tend to the lawn! ;)

M.LEWIS

Spring Cleaning

Every year, about twice a year, I get this need to clean out things. Sort through, organize, purge, remodel, etc. The first round is around fall, and the second, naturally is around spring.
I am pretty good at keeping up with this task on a monthly basis actually. With kids that grow out of their clothes every few months, and my never-ending task of improving our house, I am happily underwhelmed by the spring cleaning bug.

I do need to buy more containers for the outgrown clothes, and I am always picking out places for an extra shelf or storage bin, but other than that I think we are in pretty good shape. This leaves me room for another project.

Previously, I mentioned my goal to makeover my backyard deck. Well, the process has begun, and is inching along...slowly.

Now I haven't taken "before" pictures...even though I have already started...sort of. But I do plan to take some this weekend when I really get into it. But here are the few old pictures I found of our lackluster deck.
(Look how little Lorelai is!)

Even my planting skills suck.

Those pictures are from spring 2012. And while I've killed numerous flowers, and moved the furniture around a bit...the general feel is still this bare-minimum, needs-a-lot-work, be-out-here-for-five-minutes kind of vibe. 

This is the most recent picture...from December 2013. Encased in inches of ice and sleet. Thoroughly dead, and thoroughly sad. The spring sun has not cheered up this area too much. We go from ice to 105' heat and back in a year, and this uncovered outdoor space has taken a beating over the years.

So far we have bought some new pieces to make the area seem more inviting and more comfortable. It's a mind trick really. If it looks pretty, I will be willing to hang out there more. Until July. Then nothing can entice me...but I have kids, and they kind of like this whole run-around-outside thing. So I press on.

I have begun filling in the larger cracks and splits in the wood with exterior stainable wood filler. This is about half way done, then I need to sand it down, and touch up any needed areas. Then it's just a couple coats of stain and sealant. It *should* take me a couple more weekends, but life has a way of laughing at my plans...so we'll see.

We also need to do some more weed control, grass seed some bare spots, plant some more bushes and such, but hopefully by the end of the month we will have another asset to the property.

Especially because we are already thinking about moving in a couple years. More to come on that later. ;)

Deck updates coming soon!

M.LEWIS 

Happy Birthday Adalaide!

Adalaide Olivia is officially 1 year old now. How bizarre it is to think of life before her. Her presence has snuggled right into our lives, much like Lorelai did. I have always felt that our children were always apart of us, they just arrive on earth when we are ready. Biologically speaking, this is true, but you know what I mean. :P We have loved our first year with "Addy Baby" and look forward to watch her grow and blossom even more as life carries on. Happy birthday Adalaide!

Here are some facts about Addy at 1 year old.

• She is the messiest eater I have ever encountered...and I have been around a lot of kids.
• She loves her snoopy stuffed animal. It was given to her by her Grandad's parents when she was a newborn. It's pink...and yes, it came that way.
• She loves bath time and water in general.
• She hates the car and her carseat. She is now in a "toddler" carseat, but still rear-facing. It will be a while before she hits the weight mark for turn-around.
• Speaking of weight, she is holding strong in the 3rd percentile in weight at a whopping 16 lbs 6 oz; and measuring tall at 29.5 ins, 70th percentile.
• She is a difficult eater. Not just picky, but is stubborn about eating any significant amount at any time. This makes meal times almost a battle...who am I kidding, it is a battle. I am truly shocked if she eats without crying.
• She talks "mama" "dada" "ba"...and all other speech is some sort of screeching.
• She still wakes up at night to eat...but only will take 4oz at a time. Only once has she taken 6 oz in one sitting.
• She loves bouncing, swinging, climbing...hence her "monkey party" for her birthday.
• Outside is also a favorite place of hers, she cries every time the dog goes in and out, and she can't go too.
• She dislikes shoes and tries to take them off every time she is wearing them.
• She is very attached to her pacifier.
• She points at a lot. Where she wants you to take her, people's facial features, or wall decorations.
• She loves playing with her sister, though her sister gets a little irritated with sharing everything.
• Addy loves to kick things. Toys, people, the dog...it's her way of playing.
• She does not like to snuggle or be rocked most of the time.
• She is loved. Mom, Dad, grandparents, or friendly strangers, her precious semi-concerned looking face draws everyone in with a smile. She is adored by her sister, Lorelai, who protects her from falling of the couch, who hands her back her toys when she drops them, and who makes sure she is ok after getting a bump or a scratch. ♥

There are so many lovely things about my youngest one, the list grows daily.


M.LEWIS

In A Barbie World

There has been a lot of talk lately about Barbie. Barbie is a bad role model for kids, Barbie is objectifying women, Barbie is supporting gender roles, Barbie is promoting eating disorders, Barbie is an evil minion sent to the world to brainwash our children and destroy their self-worth.

I might have elaborated a bit on that last one, but really, that is the impression I get from people lately.

Let's all take a minute and get down to basics.

Barbie is a toy. She It is made of plastic.  She It has fake hair, painted on facial features, odd shaped feet, molded together fingers, is missing quite a few joints...not to mention other human body parts... she it has had thousands of jobs, and even more clothes,  she it has a mansion, a convertible, a stretch limo, a beach house, a swimming pool, a yacht, even an airplane.  She It has plastic friends, family, and pets...nothing about this woman character is realistic. Well, maybe except for the fact that she it too can't find her its shoes when she it needs them.

You see my subtle point?
This toy isn't meant to be a role model, it's meant to be a toy. I never once looked at my Barbie dolls and thought "I need to look like her." Just like I didn't look at my P.J. Sparkles, Strawberry Shortcake, Polly Pocket, My Little Pony, or my Easy Bake Oven with a longing, self-deprecating ineptness.
Just because Barbie had a mini skirt and platforms didn't mean I need to as well. Heck, Strawberry Shortcake had a dress that turned into a dessert...that was way more appealing. Maybe I was taught to be more self-confident, more practical, or maybe I was just born with those qualities; but the issue here is not the doll, it's the parenting.

Teaching your daughter child that a plastic object is a reflection of you, your goals, and your perspective is ridiculous. We as parents are projecting this judgement onto them. I have heard more about eating disorders and body image issues in the past few years than ever before. Some say by addressing these issues we are helping young girls people, but I can't help but feel that by placing a spotlight on them, we are obviously drawing their attention to it far more than we need to. Are the statistics better now that we've beaten Barbie off her imaginary skinny throne? Nope. In fact they are rising. Along with depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and obesity. Are those issues rooted in the evilness of plastic dolls too? How can one toy be responsible for so much? Maybe she's it's not...maybe we are placing the blame on the doll because we can. Sure, we'll sound a little silly, giving a toy more power than people, but when things go wrong, we don't have take responsibility for it. We can blame today's problems on a toy that has been around for over 50 years.

And why are we limiting this judgement to girls? If our children's toys need to be examined for their influence on a child's behavior, shouldn't we be heckling G.I.Joe for carrying a gun? His caviler attitude with a firearm is the reason there are so many shootings in America. Or how about their remote-controlled race cars? High speed car chases and crashes were inspired by these reckless, mechanical play-things.

Why is it that we always victimize our daughters? Making them seem weak, easily-influenced, and completely dependent on the society's current standard. I think we should be promoting independence, free-thinking, creative, and strong-willed young girls who will grow up to look at a Barbie doll the way she looks at play-doh. They are both objects you play with to further imagination and to cure boredom. I have no problem buying my daughter a Barbie doll, just like I have no problem buying her a firetruck, or a stuffed zoo animal.
I'm not telling you you should buy toys for your child that makes you feel uncomfortable, but I am saying that a collection of people lacking in self-esteem should not dictate what we can give our kids on Christmas or their birthdays...or when they finally poop in the "big girl potty."

You are concerned that your daughter will dislike herself because she doesn't look like her doll? How about you tell her every day how smart, inventive, beautiful, and awesome she is, and let Barbie be the thing she destroys over the years with magic markers and scissors. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.


M.LEWIS