Baby Weight Adventures

   I'd like to take the time to write an unusual post. Well, unusual for me at least. I talk a lot about my kids and even my pregnancies, but I only touch on the physical aspects of having kids. Specifically, weight. I do like the term "baby weight." It's not entirely inaccurate, the weight gain is due to the baby, but it also allows to disown the weight a bit. Like, this is not my weight gain, it belongs to someone else, I hold little responsibility. But the truth is, as the months go on, you can't blame the kid anymore. Darn.
   As all of you know, I had my sweet Adalaide 6.5 months ago. This is my body's second go around for postpartum recovery, my second go around at getting "back to normal." I use quotation marks because I never felt normal, not at the time. Looking back at it, I was pretty fit and slender, but try to tell me that back then and I would have sincerely laughed at you and insisted it was all a carefully crafted illusion. Ah, those were the days.

   Truth be told, I am uncomfortable talking about weight. Not just my weight, everyone's weight. I know my aversion is my problem, and everyone should share what they want, I just get squirmy with the details. I don't need to know your clothing sizes or the numbers on the scale. Heck, I don't even like it when people say to me "Hey, you've lost weight." To me, I hear "Hey, you're not as fat as you once were." But that's probably because I would have to admit to myself I had/have extra weight.
   My weight gain is due to having kids. I am not passing blame, it is the truth. The weight loss (or lack there of) is due to me and my choices in lifestyle.
   I gain 50 lbs with Lorelai. Yep. 50. Ouch. Just seeing that number makes me cringe. I fight the urge to scroll back and fudge the number and force myself to type on. I had some decent morning sickness from weeks 6-12. The only thing that sat well in my stomach was bread. Bagels, toast, crackers, tortillas, etc. That's a lot of carbs; a lot of calories. I got over the queasiness, but then sunk into "I'm pregnant, I'm going to enjoy eating anything I desire." I also quit my job around this point. So, I had a lot food going into my mouth and a lot of sitting going on in my livingroom. Don't misunderstand me, I didn't binge, I didn't just shovel in chips and ice cream; but I certainly didn't buy a lot of apples and celery. I also was exactly motivated to exercise with a huge watermelon tummy either. This went on for the remainder of the pregnancy.
   I had my beautiful baby girl late fall and spent the next couple months adjusting to motherhood. I spent my days trying to catch up on sleep, snacking on food, snuggling my baby, and working hard on nursing. That was the winter I spent 3 days iced in at our apartment, even over my birthday. I got into a rut. I did kind of lean on the theory of "9 months to gain, 9 months to lose." Guess what, sitting around half-awake with your baby everyday doesn't equal weight loss.
   I watched the 9 month mark come and go, and my baby weight still stuck around. I had to actively do something about it. Then, of course, I hid behind excuses. Well, I had to do something with Lorelai's Halloween candy, she's too young to eat it herself. Then there was Thanksgiving, LEL's first birthday, Christmas, my family's birthdays, and then my own, etc; and Lorelai "needed" my attention, I had no time for physical activity beyond gathering laundry and unloading the dishwasher.
   I did get sick of myself and my attitude. I got my rear in gear in the spring. I decided I wanted to wear my old, cool, pretty clothes again. I wanted not to hide anymore. I was motivated. I was doing well for a couple months. I was...pregnant again.

   Adalaide's pregnancy was not a repeat of Lorelai's. I felt similarly, if not a little worse, but I did not want to head down that road again. After all, when I got pregnant again, I still was carrying LEL baby weight. I was starting off worse the second time than the first. I did ok with Addy. I gained only about 35lbs. But I did not wait for the "9 months on, 9 months off" timeline.
   When Addy turned 4 months old, I told myself I had had enough recovery time, and I needed to get going again. Finding time and energy to do any sort of exercise routine was (and is still) hard to come by, so I focused more on food.
   I started buying so many fresh fruits and vegetables, I impressed myself. Sure, I missed a lot of my old foods, but I was adjusting, and liking my new foods just fine. I did this for about a month and a half, and I lost 0 lbs. That's right, it made no difference. Some motivation, huh?

   I knew what I was doing was healthier for me regardless of the scale, so I kept with it...and still have. After Adalaide weaned herself (I have the worst nursers) at 5.5 months, it became a lot easier to move around and exercise. I started doing routines and even bought a dvd recommended by my skinny mom friend.
   Well, that didn't work out too well. It was a 30 day plan. I made it the first 4-5 days feeling empowered. Sure, the first 2 days killed my muscles, but they got stronger pretty fast, and I was determined to finish. By day 9 my joints were not doing well, specifically, my right knee. It was truly painful to do the more advanced routines. I wrapped it in a brace, applied ice and heat, and started taking daily painkillers to get through my exercises. I reached the 14 day mark, approx. half way through the plan. I weighed myself to see my progress. I think I lost 1 lb, even then I'm not sure, my clothes were pretty light. So, at this rate, it would take me a year and a half, knee surgery, and buckets of Tylenol to lose the baby weight. Not Cool. So, I reluctantly suspended my 30 day plan and did more of my own thing.
   I pick my favorite low-impact exercises that focused on my problem areas, stomach and upper arms/shoulders. I bought even healthier foods and cut out even more "junk" from my diet. I did this for a couple weeks and made another appointment with my stingy scale. Sure enough, no change.
   All my effort, all my planning, organizing, prepping, sweating, stressing, and deprivation made no difference. As I stared longing into the closet from my scale I could see all my cute fall clothes...mocking me. "HA! You thought you could wear me this year?" taunted my jeans. "You aren't even close to fitting into me." laughed my fitted, button-downs.

   To be honest, I feel slightly defeated. I feel like I made all these smart, healthy choices, and have been dedicated and steadfast in my journey. I feel like all that effort was wasted. At the beginning of my adventure I lived a rather unhealthy life. Lots of frozen dinners, snacks, sodas, and sweet treats. I did no exercising outside of what I had to do to keep track of my kids and dog. Since then, I have done almost an 180° in terms of food and I have been doing what I can physically handle in the exercise department. I have almost no soda, very little sugar, little bread, lots of vegetables and fruits, lean meats, nuts, etc. I do 100 sit ups a day and spend about 15 minutes of weight training a day. My progress? I have lost 2 additional lbs...on a good day.
   I'm not giving up, this routine of exercise and fresh food is good for everyone no matter the scale feedback, but I can't help but look back at old pictures of myself and wonder, will I ever look like that again? Maybe I was wrong to expect bigger results so soon. But we're going on 3 months here. 3lbs in 3 months. I fear that figure of a year and a half is looking more and more like reality. What's a real bummer with that is...I may be pregnant again by the time I reach my goal. Maybe not...though 3 kids suits me.

   I don't really know what I wanted out if this post. Not pity, but maybe empathy? Have any of you all had such a difficult time with losing baby weight? I am starting to wonder if I may have a medical complication I'm not aware of...though, I was tested at the beginning of Addy and everything was normal. So, I think I just need to suck it up, put my head down, and continue to plow forward. Carrots, and spinach, and water...yay.


M.LEWIS

The Girls Update

Things around here have been generally low key lately. I know, I jinxed it.

Adalaide's schedule has been established, as much as one can establish with an almost 6 month old. That's right, this week, Addy will be 6 months old. Crazy.
She is still waking up during the night; there has only been 3 nights (not consecutively) she has slept from bedtime to sunrise. Still no teeth, but she is eating rice cereal and simple fruits and veggies pretty well. Her "omg what is this in my mouth" face is pretty cute. I will have to try and get a picture of it one of these times before she adjusts to the taste. She is close to sitting up by herself, she can hold her own for about 10 seconds before wobbling too much and tipping over. I will know her weight next week but I think she has gained another couple pounds since her last check-up, and is most likely hitting the scales at a whopping 13lbs. She can hold her own bottle for a bit, if she's laying down. She also "puts herself to sleep" in her crib 90% of the time. She loves her big sister and thinks everything she does is laugh-out-loud hilarious. I can get giggles out of her if I try, but Lorelai gets belly laughs without any effort. I love it.

Lorelai enjoys her baby sister, but she is still hesitant on sharing. Though, to be fair, sharing right now consists of Addy sticking the toy in her mouth and giving it back to Lorelai all slobbery. I can see why Lorelai isn't crazy about doing that all the time.
Most of the time they hang out together on the floor and Lorelai doesn't get distracted by her at all, like she's always been there. I think that's great, she just has this attitude of "Oh, her? Yeah, she's my baby sister. She's around all the time."
Lorelai does look out for Adalaide, which as a parent, makes me feel awesome. Addy fell asleep in her carseat one day and did that whole infant shlump-over thing. Lorelai spotted this and said "Oh no! Mom, baby sister!" Another sweet time, she saw Addy without a paci in a store and made us stop. "Go back! Baby shister, paci!"
My compassionate little 2 year old. Though, in a few months she will be 3! Again, crazy.

The next month should be pretty quiet, then things kick into gear. Fall is coming, my favorite time of year. The time where the heat lifts, the cool breezes filter in, and the leaves start to melt into shades of red, yellow, and orange, which matches the pumpkins clusters you see in festive yards. In October, we have Adalaide's christening and Halloween, Addy's first. Then November slides in with Thanksgiving (another 1st) and Lorelai's birthday. Then December, Christmas. By far the best holiday, filled with tradition, love, and magic. Lorelai is already asking for Christmas music in the car. I think she inherited my deep love for Christmas. This excites me. She is at the age where she will understand it a bit more, and love it a bit more. This, combined with Adalaide's first Christmas will make this year extra special.

Sorry for the tangent, I was just daydreaming for a bit. ;)

Anyway, this sums up our household for awhile, at least for the kiddos!


M.LEWIS