I was watching the local news last night, and a story aired that made my stomach turn.
A Plano toddler was murdered by her father's (soon-to-be ex) girlfriend. The girlfriend called 911 after killing the 2 y/o and said she and the girl were attacked during a home invasion. The police naturally noticed the gaps in the woman's story and arrested her soon there after. It was soon discovered that the woman suffocated the little girl, whom was found with duct tape over her mouth. The police described the child at the scene as "still warm but with blue lips."
Later, it would be uncovered that this ex-girlfriend took the child with her on an errand about a hour before her murder. They went to the dollar store where the woman was seen on security footage buying zipties, duct tape, plastic bags, and cleaning supplies; the things she would use to kill the child and try to cover up her murder.
She took the girl with her shopping to buy the things she would use to kill her. This haunts me. It obviously upsets me the poor girl was killed no matter what the circumstances, but this brought to light a new level of evil for me. How I wish the store clerk could have had the foresight on what would happen in just mere minutes of their departure. How I wish they would have scooped up that child and save her from what I know must have been a absolutely terrifying, tortuous death.
This 2 y/o was an innocent victim, like most children are in these horrendous situations. This ex-girlfriend was acting with revenge against her ex-boyfriend, the girl's father. How self-involved, how cold-hearted, how diluted these adults must be to take a small child, whom depends on you for their everything and turn on them. These small, helpless children that deserve so much more love than they received in their tragically short lives.
I see a lot of posts on facebook where people are fighting for animal rights, and yes, they deserve to be treated more humanly, but there are children out there that deserve this more. For every person I see become a lawyer for animal rights, I would love to see ten more that become social workers, child advocates, foster parents, or simply someone that speaks out on crimes against children. Who donates money, time, or resources to help stop these senseless acts that are hauntingly irreversible.
I had a rough afternoon with Lorelai yesterday. She was pushing the limits (and my buttons) left and right. I was getting downright mad at her. While I didn't hurt her in any way, I did raise my voice and tried strict punishments to try to curve her attitude. I felt so frustrated that she was being so defiant. Hours later, I heard this story and every drop of frustration melted away.
Thank you, Lord for showing me even during the toughest times, how much I love my children. How much I would fight for them, and how much compassion and love I have for children whom I do not even know. I know I am doing the right thing in my life; I am at home, raising my children. I faultier on my skills and I lack on patience at times, but I am trying...and I will always keep trying. They are happily my world, my heart, my soul. The song I sang to them as babies always makes me teary-eyed. "Jesus loves me, this I know; for the Bible tells me so; little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong."
God bless Grace Lillian Ford, the little girl who is now an angel in heaven.
M.LEWIS
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Congratulations Anyway...
This goes out to an old friend of mine who has chosen to go her separate way without me.
I suppose I will never know exactly why we couldn't be friends, but that doesn't mean I can't send well wishes for you out into the universe and hope somehow they reach you.
I have learned you are having a baby, a baby girl. This is such awesome news. So I send to you, old friend, my congratulations and hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a happy, healthy baby girl.
If you ever change your mind and would like to share a friendship again, you know where to find me. Until then, congratulations again, and best wishes.
If you ever change your mind and would like to share a friendship again, you know where to find me. Until then, congratulations again, and best wishes.
M.LEWIS
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Are We Done Yet?
I have a confession to make.
I am overwhelmed.
I realized this early this morning around 3:45am when Adalaide had woken up for the third time, screaming and crying, and I threw down her diaper wipes in a momentary lapse of self-control and patience. There was also begging of Addy to stop in a louder than appropriate voice.
I immediately felt ashamed for losing my cool. I should have handled it better. But, after all, I am human, and I have my breaking point. While this breaking point might seem small and silly, it was the annoying cherry on my very large, frustrating cake.
I'll elaborate.
Over the past 5 weeks our little family has been drugging through an eventful schedule. It all started around 12/13 when Adalaide and Lorelai went to the pediatrician for their well visits. Lorelai's meltdown there was exhausting.
Of course, we learned there that she was recommended to see a speech therapist. That of course, did not go exactly as planned, and I still have that hanging over my head.
We were all sick for a week and half around new year's, along with Adalaide's trip to the ER and then again to the pediatrician for pink eye the next week.
We finally got our pipe fixed in the front yard after almost a month of confusion and miscommunication, though I am now concerned their work may have crippled our tree, maybe even have killed it. Spring will tell.
Lorelai then crushed her finger under my parents' rocking recliner chair. We are still unsure how, but it got stuck and instantly turned purple, nail and all. It was swollen, bruised, and she refused to use it. Putting on a shirt was reason to fall to the ground crying, fearing it would hurt too much to put her hand through the sleeve.
We visited the pediatrician again, though this time our doctor was out and we saw his fill-in, which was good...less embarrassing for me.
"Hi, yes, me again. Fourth time, in a month. I promise I take care of my kids, really!"
...the nurses noticed though, I am sure of this. I can tell because my kid is the one that screams bloody murder when you ask her to stand on the scale. She will also scream if you want to listen to her heartbeat, take her pulse, look at her injury, talk to her in any capacity, or look in her general direction.
Yes. They remember Lorelai, for sure.
After the Dr. looked at her finger he ordered her xrays. We had to go to the hospital and wait, it wasn't too bad, but the actual xrays were not fun.
I then spent hours waiting to hear the results.
If it was broken we had to see an orthopedist...where more crying and screaming were in order. There was also the stress and guilt of the fact that I actually had broke my kid in some manner.
After hours and hours, we finally got the call that pronounced her finger ok, and we just needed to keep it stable and secure for a week. It should look much better by then, and we can let her use it normally. We will have to see if her nail falls off. Man, I hope it doesn't. I can handle blood, but finger/toe nails. Yuck. (I don't know why.)
I was supposed to pick up Phoebe's meds yesterday, but never got around to it. I also never made dinner. I felt thoroughly spent. Lorelai was asleep by 8pm and Addy had been in bed since 7pm, but was up around 10:15pm crying again.
This kiddo is 10 months old and is still waking up multiple times a night on a very regular basis. She has never consecutively slept through the night. One night here and there, but never more than one night at a time. And those nights come once every 3-4 weeks.
I am so tired. Not just physically, but mentally, and emotionally. I love, love, love my kids, but I need a break. I don't mean like, "I need to leave them and go away" but like "can you all just be healthy, un-hurt, decent eaters, good nap-takers, sleep-through-the-night kids for like a week? 5 days? Just a few days, so I can recharge? No appointments, no massive meltdowns, no fevers, no mystery rashes, no blood, no water flooding the house, no Phoebe eye-issues, just...normalcy for a few days. That would be fantastic.
...But alas, that is not happening for me yet. And this is my long-winded explanation of why I lost it for a brief moment this morning. Chris did save me from myself, but honestly, I had been soldiering through this chaos for weeks, and sooner or later, something was going to make me "snap."
And while I feel bad for shouting and slamming down an object like my moody three-year old, no one is hurt, no one is worse for wear. It was just mommy throwing a temper tantrum, then shaming herself in her head until she fell back asleep from sheer exhaustion...no biggie. Right?
Life has thrown us some really nice curve balls, but right now, these pitches s.u.c.k.
I humbly pray for patience, strength, and understanding. I pray for my kids to stay healthy and to heal. I pray for sleep and peace.
I know I am one of many spent moms asking for these things, but yet, that doesn't make me feel any better. I also pray for the thing that will make me feel better.
Please God, are we done yet?
M.LEWIS
I am overwhelmed.
I realized this early this morning around 3:45am when Adalaide had woken up for the third time, screaming and crying, and I threw down her diaper wipes in a momentary lapse of self-control and patience. There was also begging of Addy to stop in a louder than appropriate voice.
I immediately felt ashamed for losing my cool. I should have handled it better. But, after all, I am human, and I have my breaking point. While this breaking point might seem small and silly, it was the annoying cherry on my very large, frustrating cake.
I'll elaborate.
Over the past 5 weeks our little family has been drugging through an eventful schedule. It all started around 12/13 when Adalaide and Lorelai went to the pediatrician for their well visits. Lorelai's meltdown there was exhausting.
Of course, we learned there that she was recommended to see a speech therapist. That of course, did not go exactly as planned, and I still have that hanging over my head.
We were all sick for a week and half around new year's, along with Adalaide's trip to the ER and then again to the pediatrician for pink eye the next week.
We finally got our pipe fixed in the front yard after almost a month of confusion and miscommunication, though I am now concerned their work may have crippled our tree, maybe even have killed it. Spring will tell.
Lorelai then crushed her finger under my parents' rocking recliner chair. We are still unsure how, but it got stuck and instantly turned purple, nail and all. It was swollen, bruised, and she refused to use it. Putting on a shirt was reason to fall to the ground crying, fearing it would hurt too much to put her hand through the sleeve.
We visited the pediatrician again, though this time our doctor was out and we saw his fill-in, which was good...less embarrassing for me.
"Hi, yes, me again. Fourth time, in a month. I promise I take care of my kids, really!"
...the nurses noticed though, I am sure of this. I can tell because my kid is the one that screams bloody murder when you ask her to stand on the scale. She will also scream if you want to listen to her heartbeat, take her pulse, look at her injury, talk to her in any capacity, or look in her general direction.
Yes. They remember Lorelai, for sure.
After the Dr. looked at her finger he ordered her xrays. We had to go to the hospital and wait, it wasn't too bad, but the actual xrays were not fun.
I then spent hours waiting to hear the results.
If it was broken we had to see an orthopedist...where more crying and screaming were in order. There was also the stress and guilt of the fact that I actually had broke my kid in some manner.
After hours and hours, we finally got the call that pronounced her finger ok, and we just needed to keep it stable and secure for a week. It should look much better by then, and we can let her use it normally. We will have to see if her nail falls off. Man, I hope it doesn't. I can handle blood, but finger/toe nails. Yuck. (I don't know why.)
I was supposed to pick up Phoebe's meds yesterday, but never got around to it. I also never made dinner. I felt thoroughly spent. Lorelai was asleep by 8pm and Addy had been in bed since 7pm, but was up around 10:15pm crying again.
This kiddo is 10 months old and is still waking up multiple times a night on a very regular basis. She has never consecutively slept through the night. One night here and there, but never more than one night at a time. And those nights come once every 3-4 weeks.
I am so tired. Not just physically, but mentally, and emotionally. I love, love, love my kids, but I need a break. I don't mean like, "I need to leave them and go away" but like "can you all just be healthy, un-hurt, decent eaters, good nap-takers, sleep-through-the-night kids for like a week? 5 days? Just a few days, so I can recharge? No appointments, no massive meltdowns, no fevers, no mystery rashes, no blood, no water flooding the house, no Phoebe eye-issues, just...normalcy for a few days. That would be fantastic.
...But alas, that is not happening for me yet. And this is my long-winded explanation of why I lost it for a brief moment this morning. Chris did save me from myself, but honestly, I had been soldiering through this chaos for weeks, and sooner or later, something was going to make me "snap."
And while I feel bad for shouting and slamming down an object like my moody three-year old, no one is hurt, no one is worse for wear. It was just mommy throwing a temper tantrum, then shaming herself in her head until she fell back asleep from sheer exhaustion...no biggie. Right?
Life has thrown us some really nice curve balls, but right now, these pitches s.u.c.k.
I humbly pray for patience, strength, and understanding. I pray for my kids to stay healthy and to heal. I pray for sleep and peace.
I know I am one of many spent moms asking for these things, but yet, that doesn't make me feel any better. I also pray for the thing that will make me feel better.
Please God, are we done yet?
M.LEWIS
Friday, January 10, 2014
Health and Issues
Well our saga continues with Adalaide.
Nothing too dramatic, but she has pink eye. Bacterial conjunctivitis to be exact. She can't spread to us by touching like the viral kind, but it still can't feel too great. I took her in early, so she isn't too pathetic looking, and seems to be recovering quickly, so that's all encouraging. Her 9 month seems to be all cold, fever, sniffles, rash, pink eye, diaper rash, etc. I so pray by her 10 month mark she will be over all these things...we have 3 days.
That's right, my baby will be 10 months old in just a few days. Then it's just a couple more months until she will have a pretty cake in front of her with a big ol' number 1. Crazy. You know when you are young and you hear all the adults say things like "they grow up so fast" or "I blinked and they grew up", you thought they were being so over-dramatic. Then you grew up and had kids, and now, well, you get it. You understand it oh-too-well. I mean, my first baby just turned 3. Geez.
Speaking of my first baby, she had a little event this week. She had a speech class screening. Two teachers talked and played with her, then she had a vision and hearing test. Everything went surprising well, until the hearing test. Basically, the headphones were too foreign to her and she shut down. So, with a pair of newly bought headphones in hand, we are going to practice wearing them at home and reschedule another hearing test so we can move forward with her speech evaluation and possible enrollment in a class.
I feel she needs the push with her language, but I can't help but feel squirmy about it. Maybe I should try harder with her. If I homeschool her, I need to be able to teach her things. Though, getting outside help isn't a bad thing, and acknowledging we need it isn't bad either...right?
I watch her excel in the topics she loves and then become paralyzed with embarrassment when she feels she has "failed" the teachers. I hate it. Probably a life lesson, sure, but man, she is still so young, I do not want her associate learning with right-wrong, pass-fail, smart-dumb, black-white. The homeschooler in me becomes restless and irritated. But that's me. I have to give this opportunity to my kid, despite my own feelings. It's just speech class. Nothing more. I tell myself this. It helps.
Though, side-note: her potty training has taken a noticeable decline since our meeting with the teachers. Hopefully it's just a coincidence...but I have noticed.
Oh man...it's always something, huh?
Even though we have visited the doctor 3 times in one month, and I have anxieties about their well-being, and we have far too many struggles with potty training, we are good. We are tired, stressed, stuffy, itchy, messy, and a bit frustrated, but we are good.
I do hope we have a less eventful next few weeks, maybe even months? But that may be asking too much. ;)
M.LEWIS
Nothing too dramatic, but she has pink eye. Bacterial conjunctivitis to be exact. She can't spread to us by touching like the viral kind, but it still can't feel too great. I took her in early, so she isn't too pathetic looking, and seems to be recovering quickly, so that's all encouraging. Her 9 month seems to be all cold, fever, sniffles, rash, pink eye, diaper rash, etc. I so pray by her 10 month mark she will be over all these things...we have 3 days.
That's right, my baby will be 10 months old in just a few days. Then it's just a couple more months until she will have a pretty cake in front of her with a big ol' number 1. Crazy. You know when you are young and you hear all the adults say things like "they grow up so fast" or "I blinked and they grew up", you thought they were being so over-dramatic. Then you grew up and had kids, and now, well, you get it. You understand it oh-too-well. I mean, my first baby just turned 3. Geez.
Speaking of my first baby, she had a little event this week. She had a speech class screening. Two teachers talked and played with her, then she had a vision and hearing test. Everything went surprising well, until the hearing test. Basically, the headphones were too foreign to her and she shut down. So, with a pair of newly bought headphones in hand, we are going to practice wearing them at home and reschedule another hearing test so we can move forward with her speech evaluation and possible enrollment in a class.
I feel she needs the push with her language, but I can't help but feel squirmy about it. Maybe I should try harder with her. If I homeschool her, I need to be able to teach her things. Though, getting outside help isn't a bad thing, and acknowledging we need it isn't bad either...right?
I watch her excel in the topics she loves and then become paralyzed with embarrassment when she feels she has "failed" the teachers. I hate it. Probably a life lesson, sure, but man, she is still so young, I do not want her associate learning with right-wrong, pass-fail, smart-dumb, black-white. The homeschooler in me becomes restless and irritated. But that's me. I have to give this opportunity to my kid, despite my own feelings. It's just speech class. Nothing more. I tell myself this. It helps.
Though, side-note: her potty training has taken a noticeable decline since our meeting with the teachers. Hopefully it's just a coincidence...but I have noticed.
Oh man...it's always something, huh?
Even though we have visited the doctor 3 times in one month, and I have anxieties about their well-being, and we have far too many struggles with potty training, we are good. We are tired, stressed, stuffy, itchy, messy, and a bit frustrated, but we are good.
I do hope we have a less eventful next few weeks, maybe even months? But that may be asking too much. ;)
M.LEWIS
Thursday, January 2, 2014
New Year's Eve 2013/2014
New Year's didn't go exactly how I envisioned it.
We were sick.
Cold? Flu? Who knows anymore. Why? Well, none of us had the same symptoms. It was the weirdest thing. Adalaide won the prize for oddest illness and won a trip to the Children's ER on new year's eve.
The timeline goes something like this:
Saturday, 12/28
I take the girls to my parents' while the plumbers come and fix our sewage line...long story short, they didn't fix it and I ended up coming home with the kids due to Lorelai's extreme crankiness. She felt a little warm, had a bit of sniffles, and napped. Those three things suggested she was under the weather.
Sunday 12/29
Lorelai was pretty much back to her normal self. A bit of sniffles, and some fussiness, but nothing that stopped her from running around, playing, and avoiding a nap as usual. I started to feel pretty yucky though, and by bedtime I was so congested and had a severe sore throat. I slept very little...very little. Chris was feeling a bit gross too, but not as bad as me.
Monday 12/30
I felt like death, Lorelai was still fine, Addy had some sniffles starting and Chris was headed down the slowly dying path as well. Addy also developed some pink blemished on her face. Just a couple, note-worthy, but nothing worrisome.
Tuesday 12/31
I thought I was feeling better, but this thing had some more fight in it, and I was feeling surprisingly gross again. Congested, sore throat again, and very weak. Chris was sporting a fever, no sore throat, congestion, and a cough. Lorelai was still fine, but Addy was now running a fever for almost 24hrs. and her blemishes looked more like pink spots and had spread more on her face, behind her ears, on her ears, and a bit on her diaper area. I called her pediatrician and their voicemail said they would be out of office until Thursday...two days from now. Of course. So, I waited and hoped she would not get any worse. In a matter of hours, she had spiked another fever, and her spots were now bright pink, and had spread to her arms/armpits and upper legs. Her trunk, back, neck, and lower legs were 100% clear though. By 5:30pm I decided I wanted someone to take a look at her. The only place I could take her (and instructed to take her by the peds voicemail) was Children's Medical Center's ER. But we were still sick too. So, after some discussion, the plan was Chris would stay home with Lorelai, and I would get my mom to drive me and Adalaide to the hospital. If anything else came up, Chris would come up with Lorelai. That was a worse-case scenario.
Addy, my mom, and I arrive at the ER and it was pleasantly empty. A couple people came in after us, but we were in a room in less than 20 mins after walking in the door. Addy was seen by a nurse and a nurse practitioner. They both were a little stumped and confused by the look and placement of the rash, but assured me it was not measles, mumps, or chickenpox. It was not scarlet fever, roseola, or scarlatina. It wasn't hives, or any allergic reaction from food or contact. It was most likely associated with the virus we were fighting.
Make sure she still eats and drinks normally, keep her fever at bay with meds, put on a humidifier, put on diaper ointment in her diaper area, and watch her. If the spots change, develop puss, crust over, blister, open up, or stay red with slight pressure, bring her back to the ER. Otherwise the expect them to fade in a few days.
Fast-forward to now, 1/2
Her spot are almost gone. A bit of redness in her diaper area, but now formed bumps. Her fever is gone, and is almost back to her usual self.
...What. The. Heck.
I am glad she's fine, but what was with the spots, man? Has anyone else's kid had this? This is Addy's first illness/fever. Lorelai didn't get sick until she was around 18months, and still has yet to run a noticeable fever that lasts for a significant amount of time in her little life...so she is no help in the comparison area.
Puzzling.
I am glad we are all getting better. Chris has been fever free for over 24hrs, same with Adalaide. I never ran a fever, but I am almost 100% myself, and Lorelai, well, she is ready to get out of the house....like, now.
Happy New Year!
M.LEWIS
We were sick.
Cold? Flu? Who knows anymore. Why? Well, none of us had the same symptoms. It was the weirdest thing. Adalaide won the prize for oddest illness and won a trip to the Children's ER on new year's eve.
The timeline goes something like this:
Saturday, 12/28
I take the girls to my parents' while the plumbers come and fix our sewage line...long story short, they didn't fix it and I ended up coming home with the kids due to Lorelai's extreme crankiness. She felt a little warm, had a bit of sniffles, and napped. Those three things suggested she was under the weather.
Sunday 12/29
Lorelai was pretty much back to her normal self. A bit of sniffles, and some fussiness, but nothing that stopped her from running around, playing, and avoiding a nap as usual. I started to feel pretty yucky though, and by bedtime I was so congested and had a severe sore throat. I slept very little...very little. Chris was feeling a bit gross too, but not as bad as me.
Monday 12/30
I felt like death, Lorelai was still fine, Addy had some sniffles starting and Chris was headed down the slowly dying path as well. Addy also developed some pink blemished on her face. Just a couple, note-worthy, but nothing worrisome.
Tuesday 12/31
I thought I was feeling better, but this thing had some more fight in it, and I was feeling surprisingly gross again. Congested, sore throat again, and very weak. Chris was sporting a fever, no sore throat, congestion, and a cough. Lorelai was still fine, but Addy was now running a fever for almost 24hrs. and her blemishes looked more like pink spots and had spread more on her face, behind her ears, on her ears, and a bit on her diaper area. I called her pediatrician and their voicemail said they would be out of office until Thursday...two days from now. Of course. So, I waited and hoped she would not get any worse. In a matter of hours, she had spiked another fever, and her spots were now bright pink, and had spread to her arms/armpits and upper legs. Her trunk, back, neck, and lower legs were 100% clear though. By 5:30pm I decided I wanted someone to take a look at her. The only place I could take her (and instructed to take her by the peds voicemail) was Children's Medical Center's ER. But we were still sick too. So, after some discussion, the plan was Chris would stay home with Lorelai, and I would get my mom to drive me and Adalaide to the hospital. If anything else came up, Chris would come up with Lorelai. That was a worse-case scenario.
Addy, my mom, and I arrive at the ER and it was pleasantly empty. A couple people came in after us, but we were in a room in less than 20 mins after walking in the door. Addy was seen by a nurse and a nurse practitioner. They both were a little stumped and confused by the look and placement of the rash, but assured me it was not measles, mumps, or chickenpox. It was not scarlet fever, roseola, or scarlatina. It wasn't hives, or any allergic reaction from food or contact. It was most likely associated with the virus we were fighting.
Make sure she still eats and drinks normally, keep her fever at bay with meds, put on a humidifier, put on diaper ointment in her diaper area, and watch her. If the spots change, develop puss, crust over, blister, open up, or stay red with slight pressure, bring her back to the ER. Otherwise the expect them to fade in a few days.
Fast-forward to now, 1/2
Her spot are almost gone. A bit of redness in her diaper area, but now formed bumps. Her fever is gone, and is almost back to her usual self.
...What. The. Heck.
I am glad she's fine, but what was with the spots, man? Has anyone else's kid had this? This is Addy's first illness/fever. Lorelai didn't get sick until she was around 18months, and still has yet to run a noticeable fever that lasts for a significant amount of time in her little life...so she is no help in the comparison area.
Puzzling.
I am glad we are all getting better. Chris has been fever free for over 24hrs, same with Adalaide. I never ran a fever, but I am almost 100% myself, and Lorelai, well, she is ready to get out of the house....like, now.
Happy New Year!
M.LEWIS
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