As many of you have know, I have been following and sharing a little girl's journey through cancer. Kenzie, 2, was diagnosed last spring/summer with neuroblastoma. Her story was shared with me by a mutual friend, and instantly, this child had my heart. She was a cute, blonde- haired, blue-eyed little girl who loved Disney princesses. I immediately saw Addy in her. Addy was also 2 at the time, and well, the rest of the similarities are evident.
I ran the #Kenzie5k and donated multiple times to their GoFundMe page (any additional donations would be greatly appreciated) and I prayed for Kenzie and her family every night. The mom in me was sure that this little girl would make it, for no mother should lose their toddler to cancer...
As the months went on, Kenzie's condition grew more complicated, and her prognosis became grim. I still prayed along with many, many others for her health to improve, her pain to disappear, and for her to feel no fear, just peace...and yet, she did not get better.
Lately, it was painful to read the updates, to see the pictures, to watch the videos...this little girl who reminded me so much of my spunky little one, was in fact, dying. She became weak, tired, more in pain, uncomfortable, and unhappy...to say the least. Tumors grew, mishaping her sweet face and paralyzing her tiny body. I would always look at Addy, even on her most difficult days, and thank God for every tantrum, every whine...for she had the energy to be 2...now 3.
Sadly, Kenzie won't have another birthday like Addy.
Kenzie died today, surrounded by her parents and family. A little soul taken far too soon.
I struggle with this. Not only for my children currently happy and healthy, but for the new baby growing inside me. This little helpless creature whom I love as much as their siblings before them. What's to say this can't happen to me? To them? They are not the only ones who are helpless.
This morning, before Kenzie's passing, I noticed something odd. I have this rosemary plant on my porch, which I have had for over 5 months. (I know, I haven't killed it, that in itself is a miracle.) Today, something was different. Today I noticed there was a single, small flower blooming in the middle of the plant. I didn't even know rosemary produced flowers...but there it was.
Fast forward to this afternoon, and I felt the strong urge to do something after hearing of Kenzie's passing. I didn't know what, but again, that mom in me wanted to show the love for this little girl. I just sort of stood there, shocked, heartbroken, and lost...I then remembered the flower.
That little purple flower...purple...Kenzie's favorite color.
Somehow in that minute, I realized Kenzie didn't need to be shown love. She had all the love she needed. Even in the midst of her painful fight against cancer, she was given everything that she needed. Her parents, her brother, the support of hundreds...she was given everything she needed here on earth, and in the end, what more could we ask for? God was showing me that my prayers were not ignored, he heard them all; not just my prayers, the thousands of prayers regarding sweet Kenzie. Kenzie would be healed, Kenzie's pain would fade, and she would feel no fear...all in his time, in his way.
Her death still brings tears to my eyes. The loss of a child is something I pray I may never experience...but all I can do is give my children everything they need while we are together. Unconditional love, understanding, support, patience, and the occasional treat.
The grief her parents and family are going through must be agonizing...and while I know with their faith they will work through it, I know Kenzie will be in their hearts and minds forever...as she will also be in mine; along the hundreds of others who cared for Kenzie...and for all the children who's stories are like Kenzie's.
I have been watching butterflies visit the small purple flower all afternoon, and I choose to see the symbolism in it...angels welcoming McKenzie home...
M.LEWIS
