Something was said recently that has, for some reason, stuck with me. Now my husband tells me to just let it go, but I feel even he can’t truly understand how I feel about this: About a week ago a couple of friends of mine were talking about Mother’s Day. They are both nannies and they were saying how their job is the equivalent to that of a Mom’s, and I quote: “Nannies do everything except give birth and breast feed!”
Now I want to break for a bit and emphasize the fact I am not writing this with anger, I am simply voicing how I perceive the comparisons and differences between the two positions and how I feel they are, to be frank, wrong. I know this might ruffle some feathers, but who says friends have to agree on everything? They obviously felt they could express how they feel, so I can do the same…right? J
To start off, I want to say I have never been a nanny. I have never lived with a family and cared for children in that respect. I have, however, cared for 4 younger siblings; been babysitting since I was 13; and have worked at a preschool/daycare for several years before becoming a mommy. The most trying of these past experiences is definitely the preschool! I (on average over several years) have been responsible for about 25-28 three-year-olds for about 4-6 hrs a day. This included lunch, nap time, art time, snack time, story time, and recess. Now these are just the sections of the day. Within this schedule one encounters many struggles and troubles. I have potty-trained at least a dozen children, and have dealt with the messes that come with that task. I have taught them how to snap their pants, tie their shoes, and blow their noses. I have helped them learn how to use scissors, spell their name, and remember the alphabet. I have taught them how to swing, use monkey bars, and ride a tricycle. I have been there for them when they are sick, and I am talking high fever, throwing up, diarrhea, chicken pox, fiths disease, lice, and allergic reactions. I have been there for kids who broke their leg on the playground, who have broken their arm tripping onto concrete, and who have received stiches after falling on woodchips and nearly punctured their eye! I have held their hands during fire drills, hugged them when they were scared after losing power, and huddled with them during tornado sirens. I have even witnessed an estranged father forcefully taking his child from the school…and I am taking about police involvement and school lock-down. I have helped them dress up for Halloween, dye eggs for Easter, learn Christmas carols for their pageant, make flags for 4th of July, create tshirts for graduation, and decorate cards for Mother’s & Father’s day…which brings me to my point.
I did everything for them during the day. I worked my butt off for them, but at the end of the day, their biggest smiles emerged when they saw their parents at the door. When they scraped their knees, they cried out for mom; when they ate their veggies they said they were going to be as strong as dad. Don’t get me wrong, there were days when I thought “Gah, I spend more time with them than their parents! I have taught them more than their parents even realize!” But come on…childcare providers are not the same as parents. And that is what daycare workers, preschool teachers, and yes, even nannies, are. Each of these are vital to a child’s day…they are of course respectable and hardworking positions. They don’t get paid enough, they don’t get “thank you’s” enough, and they don’t get the respect from outsiders as they deserve. I know this first-hand. But there is one major difference between these people and parents. You get paid. It is your job and you can leave, you can quit and go home to a quiet, clean apartment/home and have some personal time to do whatever you want. You can go out to the movies without the need to schedule and pay a babysitter. You don’t have to worry about saving that extra cash for something the baby might need and you won’t have the guilt and worry over leaving your child behind. You can plan vacations whenever you want, to where ever you want. I could go on, and on…and I only have a 5month old as a reference. I can’t call in a sick (like when I had food poisoning last night); I function with only a handful of hours of sleep, and usually do everything with one hand because the other is holding my baby. (Like typing this blog…yep, with one hand) You don’t cry at Rod Stewart’s “Forever Young” or at Luis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” and you don’t feel sentimental over the smell of baby lotion. Implying that someone could just step through the door and do my job with the same heart and dedication as that of the child’s own mother is rather insulting. To be plain and simple, there is a reason why people always say "Hi Mom" on TV.
I love my friends, but I feel it is obvious: they are not mothers. It is easy to feel like you do everything for those kiddos, but until you are a parent you won’t truly understand that the two don’t even come close. I respect the heck out of childcare providers…again, I was one of them, but you are not entitled to a piece of the parenting pie. Those kids are just a chapter in your life (even if they are a big chapter), but they are not your whole life. This will start to hit you the day you find out you are pregnant and continually grow as your child does. You absolutely deserve an appreciation day, but let the mom’s out there have Mother’s Day.
M LEWIS
