"Yeah, yeah, yeah...what else is new? You have kids. You are tired and frustrated a lot. And of course you love them, you don't need to keep saying that."
I guess I think readers feel this because I feel this. I feel I crumble after one bad day or one rough night. In reality, it takes more than that, but I still feel like a wimp sometimes.
So, hear is my "rant", but in a list formation, for I am too tired to write any more full, lucid paragraphs. Once I get it off my chest, I know I will feel better.
- Phoebe, why do you have so many health issues? You didn't used to be so sickly, so often. And why are you so over dramatic about it, especially at night, when we are trying to sleep? I hate it.
- Adalaide, please get over the fact that we have to ride in the car. It's not that bad. Your screaming doesn't help the ride go any faster, in fact, it's the opposite.
- Lorelai, dear, make up your mind. The answer to "What do you want for breakfast?" is not "apples, waffles, NO WAFFLES, muffins, toast, MUFFINS."
- Summer, I hate you, and your need to make me hot and sweaty all the time.
- Adalaide, waking up and staying up for 3 hours right after I go to bed is just mean. I know you smile and think it's great fun to watch mommy slip into sleep-deprived insanity, but you are wrong. This will become evident in the morning. Just wait.
- Lorelai, screaming and crying from your bed is acceptable if you are A) having a nightmare B) significantly hurt C) sick or D) someone is trying to break into your room...in fact, you better scream, loudly, if that happens. Reasons not to scream and cry from your bed are A) the door is open B) your paci fell out of your mouth C) your stuffed animal is under the blanket or D) your lullaby cd has ended.
- Phoebe, stop spitting out the little "different tasting" bits of your food all over the kitchen. They hurt when you step on them, I am tired of sweeping them up, and Lorelai sometimes yells at them, calling them bugs.
- Ikea, I love you, but why does it cost $100 to ship something from the Frisco store to my door...10 mins down the road. Target has free shipping for its card-carrying members, you should too. I don't have the car space or the large amounts of time to mess with all I need to pick up.
- Chris, my love, the dirty-clothes bin has three slots: darks, colors, lights. In that order. It has always been that way. Browns and blacks do not go in the "lights" and white socks don't belong in the "darks." That sentence felt racist.
- Miss Spider (on Nickjr.), your always calm and collective voice is obnoxious when everyone is yelling and throwing fits. You're a mom, stop pretending to be so patient and understanding all the time. No one believes you.
- Telemarketers, stop calling me at the worst possible time. I am trying to get kids to sleep here, I know I didn't win a cruise, I know I didn't really talk to you last week about lowering my interest rate on my "debt", and hanging up after I run across the house to pick up the phone is just cruel, not mention pointless.
- Me, you got this whining out of your system, now refocus. Hopefully you got some self-relating smiles from your readers, but it's time to let things lie and move forward with your day.
"Motherhood was my career. I'm totally satisfied with that." -Ann Romney
Yes, I quoted Ann Romney at you. Deal with it.
M.LEWIS
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