Unconventional Mom

I have learned another pet peeve of mine, and lucky you, you get to hear about it. ;-)

Over the last few weeks, while reading parenting-related articles, I have come across the word "obey" a lot.

How to Get Your Kids to Obey
Obeying Parents
Obey
Obey
Obey...


I have learned, I really hate the word "obey." Not the general meaning of the word, but the context in which it is so frequently used.
I do not want my children to "obey" me, but rather listen to me and try to follow instructions. Now before all moms throw their arms up and shout at me that I don't know what I am talking about, let me remind you that I have worked with children for most of my life. Most recently I was a preschool teacher of 28 3yr olds. I know how kids act...I have seriously had all types. I do have a pretty good idea of what I am talking about.
"Obeying" in my mind implies that I am somehow above my kids. That I can just dictate whatever I please and they have to "obey" it simply because "I say so." While I know I will say that phrase more than I would like simply out of frustration, I do not agree with the fundamentals of dictatorship in parenting styles.
To me, my kids are not my little pawns that I lord over. They are full-fledged little people complete with their own thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Now this does not mean I will sit idly by letting my kids be in control, but rather I will listen to what they have to say and try to work in their feelings to the situation. Just because they are young doesn't mean their opinions are void.
I feel that parents that take this approach are the ones who deal with rebellious teenagers...not all the time, but it is more common than you would think.
Maybe it has something to do with how I was raised...maybe not, but none of us (me and my 5 other siblings) have ever flown off the handle just to piss off our parents. We were given respect and certain amount of freedom and we didn't/haven't abused it. We were never grounded or threated with huge punishment. A basic discussion of the topic at hand and the problem was solved. No abuse of power.
This is totally how I operate. I can respect my kids views and thoughts without agreeing with them...and I hope they can do the same to me. Not right off the bat of course...that theory will not work when they are 3, but maybe 13. I never shouted "I hate you" at my mom, I never wanted to escape my house, I never wanted to hide my mom from my friends. In fact, I hang out with mom tons...I think that is a result of feeling like her equal and not her property. I hope for this relationship with my kiddos.

So, please don't ever use the word "obey" in conjunction with my kids. Thanks ;-)

M LEWIS